


Last to Know

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Character Study, Drama, Episode Related, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-26
Updated: 2008-08-26
Packaged: 2019-03-02 06:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13312182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: After the events of Internal Affairs, someone will be there for Tony. Will he let anyone in?





	1. Last to Know Ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

  
Author's notes: Beta: Special thanks to our beta goddess, Anna! We couldn;t have done this without her  
  
excellent suggestions and guidance. And the new plot bunneh ;)  
  
Author notes: This story was born in the waning moments of the episode. A couple of lines  
  
from a favorite song started running through my head, specifically "Standing alone in  
  
solitude, holding your head in your hands. Tears play like rain on your fingertips. Who but  
  
yourself is to blame?" (Asia, The Last To Know, 1983). I started writing, shipped it off to  
  
Ange and a baby fic was born. We hope you like our purty li'l darlin' as much as we do!  
  
Disclaimer: Not ours, sadly. But we love playing with them!  


* * *

It took less than five minutes for Jethro to lose the tail. Nobody—nobody—was going to know about the safehouse he had for his team. He’d called Tony, gave him a prearranged code and parked two blocks away. Jethro made sure he wasn’t followed and went inside. He’d also told everyone else to stay away and not to call, had stocked the place with alcohol and frozen pizza earlier today. He was the only one who could deal with this and he wanted to. He needed to.

There Tony was on the couch, head in his hands. Jethro crossed the room, standing behind the couch before leaning over, putting his chin on Tony’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him from behind. Tony needed more, that much was clear, so without breaking his hold, he climbed over the back of the couch and pulled the crying man’s head against his shoulder, hand burrowing into Tony’s hair. “I’m here, Tony. I’m here. You’re not alone.”

“How could she do that to me? I wasn’t there; I wasn’t anywhere near there. Fornell just assumed, again, that I could murder someone. If I hadn’t have been so fucked up, I might have considered it.” Tony felt calmer knowing that Gibbs was here and would take care of him. He didn’t have to be strong; he could let go and no one would think differently. 

“I told her it was all a lie. I let her walk away to hopefully find the peace she needs. I just don’t know that it’s going to help. I did that to her! I turned her into this damaged woman. She wasn’t like that when I met her; she was sweet and caring. I took that away from her.”

He’d expected Tony to be broken up, but he hadn’t expected Tony to be broken. “Fornell means nothing. We all knew it was a setup. Woman scorned. None of us doubted you for a second, Tony. We’ve been here before.” He tilted Tony’s head up, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“You gave her a gift, Tony. You’re the better person. It hurts like your heart getting ripped out a thousand times a second. I know. I’ve been there a few times now, few times too many. But you didn’t do it to her. Her father’s life did that. You got way too involved, but you got hurt too. She’s a grown woman, a doctor. Your charm and big smile aren’t that blinding.”

He could kill Jenny for putting Tony’s heart on the line. She sure as hell wasn’t here and wasn’t welcome. Ever. She was probably celebrating her reinstatement. “Women can be the coldest bitches on Earth, DiNozzo. Why do we do this to ourselves?”

Tony ducked his head back down, pressing his face into Jethro’s shirt. “You want some liquid therapy, Tony? Or we can just sit here. I’m not leaving. I promise you; I’m not leaving. Whatever you need, you tell me. I’ll make it happen. You’re not alone.”

“Drink, then sit here? I’m not ready to face the world right now. Not sure if I’m ever going to be ready.” Tony loved how solid Gibbs was, and that he wasn’t trying to get out of here. “I know it’s not my fault. I needed to do this, hell, I shouldn’t have even gotten involved to begin with. Jenny never told me that I should sleep with her. Never said I should fall in love with her. I screwed this up, boss. I screwed it up so bad. Instead of dealing with things she’d rather frame me for murder. I’m sorry, that’s fucked up.”

“Jenny used you, Tony. Jenny knew how easy it is for some guys to get involved. She didn’t mean for you to get hurt, but the fact remains you did.” Jethro disengaged himself gently from Tony and yanked his coat off. He grabbed a couple of beers and poured Tony a whiskey, bringing the bottle over.

“You know the drill: take the shot and follow it with the beer. It’ll take the edge off.” Jethro forced Tony’s chin up again. “You didn’t screw up. Jeanne needs to take responsibility for what she did. She’s not a kid, DiNozzo. Ever think some of her daddy’s traits got passed on?”

“Sure, you think it didn’t cross my mind? Her mother was as bad as her father. Barracuda wears Prada. Jeanne said she was passionate about her work, but I don’t believe it. She was awful.” That night had been horrible. The woman had a complete stage mother complex and refused to even try to act human. 

“She wasn’t like either of them; she was good. She wanted to do good things and help people. She was angry. She was hurt and she acted out. I’ve had my car egged, crap left in my closet, various other acts of revenge against me. None of my former companions had ever accused me of murder.”

“Think finding out what Daddy was coulda changed her? You and me, we have a weak spot when it comes to women. What was it you said? Redheads are my kryptonite? I’ve got the one who stalks me, the one who was certifiable, literally, the one who cleaned me out and then married the guy I thought was my best friend. Assaulted by all three of ‘em at one time are another. The first one was the only one worth keeping. And you know what happened to her.”

Jethro downed a large gulp of beer, thinking maybe he needed something stronger too. “Shit happens to a lot of people. Some of ‘em use it as an excuse to be sociopaths. Some of ‘em don’t. All of ‘em gotta own what they do. And you gotta get rid of the hero complex thing. You had a weak moment. You fell in love. That didn’t make you a bastard.”

“No, lying to her and saying that it meant nothing to me made me a bastard. The rest, it made me human.” Tony took a swig of his beer before closing his eyes. Gibbs was right, he was a sucker for women, didn’t even have a specific type. Not unless long legs was a type. “I’ll never do it again, that much I can tell you. Love isn’t worth it. I get my life fucked up and some crazy woman coming after me. Not worth it.”

“Makes you an honorable man, Tony. I couldn’t have done it. You gave her more than she deserved. You gave her a way to move on and sacrificed yourself. I’m too much of a bastard to have done that. Nine out of ten guys wouldn’t have done what you did.”

Jethro grabbed the whiskey and took a slug before gulping down a long pull of beer. “Sex, companionship, never has to touch your heart. Stay above all of it. Use ‘em before they use you. Unless the right one comes along, and you’ll know better than to screw that up. Like Shannon. I knew…”

Why was he doing this? Why was he bringing up his biggest heartache? He never discussed her. With anyone.

Tony broke the silence. “I’m not interested even in the right one. I used to be able to love them and leave them. It was never a problem for me, up until recently. I’d never even considered a long term relationship before her, and now I’m sure I know why.” He didn’t feel honorable or like he’d given Jeanne any sort of closure. The way she looked at him made him feel two feet tall. “I’ve got a hand, I don’t even need to use them before sending them away. They can just stay away.”

He wouldn’t mention Paula right now. He wouldn’t do that to Tony and add to his sadness. “You never loved ‘em before her, DiNozzo. Stop fooling yourself. I’m giving you honesty here. Give it back. You’re getting more honesty than anyone, ever. Give it back, DiNozzo.”

Jethro snorted. “A hand. Like that excuse works. You find a hand that can kiss you, touch you, your hand feel as warm and wet as an aroused woman, you find a hand that makes your heart race. You find a hand that gives a fuck. You find a jackoff session that ever makes you feel complete, and I wanna know your secret. Because it doesn’t happen. Trust me here, Tony, it doesn’t. You just feel more and more alone. Yeah, you screw yourself. But it isn’t enough. It’s never enough.”

“Come on, boss, cut me some slack. I’m trying to make myself feel better, and you throw all that at me.” Tony knew that Gibbs was trying to do right by him, but right now he was more interested in pity than logic. “No, my hand won’t kiss me or feel like a woman, but it also won’t betray me or take it personally if I’m doing my job and I can’t break its heart. Might be an okay trade off.”

“What about Abbs? Someone at work? Someone who won’t expect too much and knows how we are about cases. Abbs can’t stop talking about your ass and legs. I don’t know what she saw or thinks she saw, but you made a permanent impression. She got drunk after Chip. She couldn’t stop talking about you.”

Jethro swallowed hard. Wasn’t like he was hiding a damn thing tonight anyway. “Telling you this tonight. Forget about it tomorrow. Took Abby to bed that night. She called out your name, Tony.” Then again, so had he. They’d both been so trashed, it’d been amazing they’d been able to perform.

“Abby wouldn’t expect too much from you and she’s as hot blooded as they come. If you can get past the coffin and the wedding dress thing.”

“You’d let me date your little girl? Seriously?” No, it wasn’t a little girl with her daddy relationship, especially if she and Gibbs ended up in bed together. “Abby is my ‘Best Friends Wedding’ girl, not my take home to bed and screw when it’s convenient girl.” Seeing the confused look on Gibbs face, Tony did his best Professor DiNardo impersonation.

“It’s a movie, boss. I’m surprised you haven’t seen it, stars a tall redhead, seems like your type of movie.” Ducking the head slap, Tony continued talking. “Anyway, Julia Roberts’ character has a best male friend, and they promise that if they’re still single when they hit a certain age, they’ll get together. Well, that day is creeping up on her, and she realizes that she’s in love with her best friend, so she calls to tell him, only to find out that he just got engaged and that the fiancée expects her to be in the wedding. The rest isn’t important and was really rather cliché. But that’s what Abby is to me. If we were both single and wanted to be married, then sure, I’d do that for her. But I’m not sure that she’s my IT girl. I know I’m not her IT guy. You, on the other hand… She has a thing for your hair. Ask her, she’ll tell you all about it.”

“Abbs has never been my little girl. Mine wouldn’t have been allowed to get all that ink.” Though Jethro had been fascinated by the back cross. “Ever seen the big one on her back? Must have hurt like hell.”

For a second when Tony started talking about IT girl and guy, Jethro had thought Tony was going to just admit that he was interested. But then he went back to Abby. “Trust me, DiNozzo. We used each other. She called out your name; I called the one I was using her for. I know she wants me, but she wants you too. And in bed that night, it was about you, Tony.”

“Wow, I’ve never been told that, at least not when I wasn’t in bed with the person. At least someone was enjoying themselves that night. I wasn’t thinking sex, I was more concerned about a warm meal and my own bed.”

Jethro met Tony’s eyes. “You don’t seem to understand. In bed. It was about you, Tony. All about you.”

“Yeah, I get it, boss. You two were upset about what happened and sought out a little comfort from someone else who knew what was going on. I’m glad you guys could do that.”

Jethro growled, not quite believing Tony could be so dense. He had to be using this as foreplay, or some twisted game.

“I’ll take full credit for you getting some, it’s about damn time. It’s been to long since you were married, boss, and that blonde wasn’t doing it for you. I don’t know what I was thinking, saying she could be the next ex-wife. Now Abby, she’s probably to smart to marry you, but she’s got to be a hell of a lot of fun.”

 

“I’m done with ex-wives, Tony. Got my eye on someone else. Someone whose been making me hard for years now.”

Jethro jerked his own chin toward the bottle and shot glass. “You don’t want me forcing that down your throat, do ya? I poured, you drink.” He paused while Tony downed another shot and then poured himself a double. “So, you’re guilty of falling in love. Happened to a lot of guys before. Some of us more than once. So, you allowed yourself to think of a future. Been there, too. And I made it. You will too, Tony. Let me get ya through tonight and tomorrow and the next day. One day you’ll wake up and it won’t hurt so much. You’d just better hope she never ends up working in the same building you are and screwing with your team like mine did.”

Jethro lifted his beer. “Long live the queen. More like long live the black widow.” He poured another drink. “Long live the bitch. I hope she’s having a damn good celebration tonight. Got invited out to dinner. Like I’d be anywhere but here with you. Everyone wanted to be here. Ziva, McGee, Abby, Duck, even Fornell called to see how you were. He pushed too hard. Didn’t think you’d want to see anyone, maybe not even me. If you want me to go, I’ll leave, but just the room. I’m sticking around tonight. Who else is bringing the drinks? Who else can drag ya to bed if you’re too drunk to walk?”

“That was mighty gracious of him. Go after me for murder again, then call to see how I’m doing. How many times does he think he can arrest me before it starts looking like he has it out for me? Oh wait, he does have it out for me.”

“Control over me, the other agencies try to keep me in line. They know you and me, we’re a tight team. Tobias…I used to consider a friend. Not any more. He can go to hell. Should have told him that when he married Diane. Wanted me to be best man. He’s good at putting a guy’s balls in a vise.”

“He’s a bit delusional, isn’t he? You, his best man when he was marrying your ex?” It was laughable to think that they could control Gibbs by going after him. Go after Abby? Yeah, that might work. But not him, he was just another agent in a line of many. “Tell him he could try going after another one of your team members the next time. It’s getting tedious, you having to bail me out constantly.”

“He’s a bastard. He knows you’re my Achilles heel. I’d work like hell to save Tim or Ziva, or Duck--even Jenny. But you and Abby are the ones I’d die for.” Jethro wouldn’t say any more on the subject. He’d said far too much already.

“Don’t want you dead, boss. Don’t do anything to try to save me if it ever comes down to it. Not worth it. But if it were you, yeah, I’d do what ever I could to make sure you were okay. You and Abby both, probably McGee if push came to shove. Ziva, I’d at least make an attempt. But you or Abby, you need a kidney or for me to find you and negotiate your release after being kidnapped by Pygmies, just let me know and I’m the man for the job.”

“Didn’t say I was planning on it, DiNozzo.” He lowered his voice. “I owe you. You could have gotten sick hauling me out of the water. Hell, did I even thank you? Way I drink, I’ll need a liver before a kidney. Abby’d get hooked up with the Pygmies. Bring ‘em home, dance with ‘em. Probably name ‘em Jethro.”

“She only did that because she loves you. I’m not sure that the world could stand another Jethro in it. But you’re right. If anyone were to do something like that, it would be Abbs. She managed to convince McGeek to adopt the dog that attacked him. She’s good for us, and keeps us honest. We both need the little ball of goth sunshine she brings to our life.”

“World doesn’t need this Jethro either, DiNozzo.” Had they already shared a half bottle of whiskey? No wonder he was talking so damn much. “Abby’s good. Makes us better. She’s sunshine with dyed black hair and tattoos. And she makes a hell of a Marilyn Monroe.”

“Oh yeah, she does. I had to keep telling myself it was Abby under there, and not some woman I could take home for the night, and pay for a cab in the morning. Abby in the wig and dress, she might be my IT girl after all. Or I can just perv over the memory of her looking so hot. The white dress and the tats. That could feed my hand for a long time.”

Jethro chuckled. “She did that Mr. President thing and I felt like a dirty old man, Tony. She’s wild. And she’s a natural blonde.”

“I knew that her hair couldn’t be that black naturally, but a blonde? I never would have guessed. Maybe she’ll give me a peek some day, if the circumstances were right.”

“We could make ‘em right, though you won’t tell by looking there. She’s bare. Completely bare, Tony. You ever had someone completely bare like that? Not shaved, Tony. Bare. You tell when she has roots, top of her head.”

“Ouch! Explains why once a month she’s so grouchy. Hot wax on intimate body parts, that’s got to hurt. But sexy as hell to think about her going through that for her partner’s personal enjoyment, but you wouldn’t catch me getting it done.”

“You think Abbs is a wax girl? Peruvian, or whatever she said it was called? No. She did one of those fancy permanent things, Tony. Laser something.” Jethro leaned in close. “Some lovers like different textures on their partners. Muscles giving way to softness. Smooth slick skin.”

“There’s a term I never would have associated with Abby, softness.” He was going to need to confirm this, hopefully Abby wouldn’t shoot him when he asked. “I’m taking it to mean you like a little softness in your partner. Someone who can soothe you instead of getting you more worked up.”

“Hard and soft together is what gets me off. You ever have that together, Tony? Softness, then hardness. Strong muscle right under silky skin.” A hard cock under velvety soft skin. “Steel covered in softness.”

Jethro let his eyes close. “Getting drunk. Maybe I should go to bed. Leave ya to it. Fornell’s number is in my phone. If you want to do that speed dial thing, I’ll never know.”

When Tony had left Baltimore PD, he’d never considered that he’d be investigated by the FBI once, let alone several times. There was something to add to his resume the next time he was looking for a job. Probably sooner than later at this rate.

“Don’t go, should never drink alone. That just makes you a pathetic man and a potential alcoholic. If you get shit faced with a friend, you’re either a frat boy or someone having a good time. I suppose I’m a former greek, and I could really have a good time after tonight.”

“I’m getting something stronger then. I could use it. Been drinking alone a lot of years, DiNozzo. Think I’m pathetic? Used to wonder if you hero-worshipped me. Not any more, not since Mexico. You couldn’t even look me in the eye when I came back. Now ya know the truth about me. Just a pathetic guy with a taste for bourbon. Or whatever takes the pain away. Long as it goes down okay, I don’t care. Ya get to a point in life where you don’t care. Ya just do your job best you can. The rest of it doesn’t matter. Don’t turn in to me, Tony. Get out while you’re still alive. Wish someone had told me that when I was your age.”

“It wasn’t hero worship, not in the traditional sense. I thought that I could be a more effective leader by becoming you. I found out I was barely a shell of the man you were when you were leading the team. It’s harder than it looks, that’s for sure. I was embarrassed because you caught me at the game. You beat me at the game, busting me in my pathetic attempt to be you.” He didn’t believe that Gibbs was pathetic. He assumed that after everything the man had been through, he deserved to drink alone.

“You’ve got your boat, which has taken on a life of its own, boss. That means you’re not drinking alone. And I’ll take a double of what ever it is you’re drinking. If there was ever a night to get drunk, it’s tonight. Not often you beat a murder rap for the second time in your life.”

Jethro snorted at the boat comment. “Yeah, the boat keeps me warm at night, Tony. It might keep my hands and mind busy, but there’s something to be said about waking up beside a warm body, thrusting into wet heat, legs wrapped around your waist, kisses, moans, someone to make sure you eat and sleep when you’re focused on a case. Someone to listen when it gets to be too much. Someone who touches you. Have any idea how long its been since someone beside Abbs hugged me? Since I was with Hollis. Months ago.”

Jethro walked into the kitchen and grabbed a couple of bottles for them each. He knew they were going to regret this in the morning, but for now they needed it. He walked back, lining the bottles up before opening one. “Courvoisier X.O. Cognac. The stuff Benoit and Ducky drank. Couple hundred bucks a bottle, NCIS’ dime. Think I can drink the entire thing?” He took a swallow, seeing it as a means to an end. “Brandy isn’t my thing. I’m not a sip and savor guy, but it’ll do the job.”

“I’ll help you out on killing that, especially if neither one of us is paying for it. We should invite Ducky over. He raved about the drink he had with the Frog. Smoothest thing he ever drank. Seems fitting that we’re toasting the end of that man, the one who almost ruined me not once, but twice.”

“Ducky’s on my shit list right now, DiNozzo. I don’t care how much he liked La Grenouille. You’re who matters.” Jethro leaned back, shoulder to shoulder with the younger man, and passed the bottle over. “You wanna finish it, you can. Won’t obliterate me fast enough. That’s what we’re doing, right? Drinking until we’re numb. Instead of trying to find better ways of fixing it. Should call Abby. She’d be up for anything, even two bitter, drunk guys.”

“Go ahead; give her a call. She’ll get drunk with us and tell us we both suck. But she’d do it with a lot of panache so that we couldn’t get mad at her.”

“It’d end up in bed, DiNozzo. Want to spend tonight with you. We’ll take tomorrow off; call her. Tonight I’m not sharing you with anyone. Not even Abbs.”

“She won’t be happy about that, boss. She’s big on sharing, although that’s fine too. What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.”

“Tony, you have no idea.” Jethro let out a short laugh.

Tony looked at his boss, really looked and wanted to know more. They were flirting and leading towards something more it seemed. “Explain it to me, then. Make me understand.”

“No. Think about it. Think hard, DiNozzo. Got too much to lose if I put it out there too soon.”

“Gibbs, I’m tired I’m well on my way to being drunk and I don’t want to think. I want something to be easy. If it can’t be easy, I don’t want to bother.”

“It can be easy, but you gotta be sure. Too much to lose. Smallest response firms up your interest.”

“I’ve lost too much as it is don’t you think?” Tony was getting agitated, he didn’t want to solve puzzles or be bothered. “We talking I’m on my way to losing my job? Losing everything that’s near and dear to me?”

“Just the opposite. My career on the line. You’re safe whatever you say or do. Don’t like dancing around it, Tony, but I’m not a young guy. If I lose everything, I have no way to live.”

 

Jethro dragged the conversation back to something a little less charged. “Never wanted a clone. Never sought you out to be…what is it? Mini me? That isn’t you, DiNozzo. We’re as different as two guys can be, but you’ve come into your own as an agent and a leader. Best damn decision I made was bringing you on. I know when I go for good, the team is safe in your hands. You’re enough maverick to get stuff done and charming enough to grease the wheels and disarm the black widow. You just need confidence.”

“You know a pop culture reference. I’m impressed, boss. I wouldn’t have expected it of you. And it might not have been what you were seeking out, but it’s what the team expected. Abby needed someone like you to push her and McGee just wasn’t the same if he wasn’t terrified. Ziva even respected me. She didn’t trust me to get her out of trouble, but she respected me.”

“Stephanie and Abby watched that stupid movie a few times.” He leaned in, grasping DiNozzo’s wrist. “Nobody needed you to act like me. Don’t do it again. Be yourself, Tony.”

“Trust me, it’s harder being Gibbs then you let on. Wouldn’t want to try. Burned up more energy then I had trying to be stealthy. But they did need it. They needed a seamless transition, and watching you leave it was the last thing I was thinking. But trust me, it was expected. Even Jen told me, that she expected the team to run the same under me as it did under you. Just a little pressure on someone who woke up that morning expecting it to be semi-normal.”

“I had to go. It was survival. My mind was gone, Tony. My memories had holes you could run an aircraft carrier through. And you guys expected this instant recovery, first time I ever felt pressure like that from you guys. You didn’t mean it. I know that. Wasn’t fair on any of us. Least of all those boys who got blown up.”

“I’m not blaming you. If it had been me, I would have done the same thing. I understood then that you needed to be anywhere but where you were. We all understood after thinking about it. But the girls, they still missed you. Timmy, he didn’t quiver when I yelled like he did with you. All of us were a little lost, but we weren’t going to hold it against you.”

“Weren’t the only ones lost, Tony. Weren’t the only ones lost at all. I was just as lost. I didn’t know who I was.”

Jethro grabbed the bottle and took a couple of healthy swigs. “Don’t become me, DiNozzo. Bitterness and loneliness doesn’t suit you. I had a reason to become that way when I lost everything that mattered. You still have hope. Don’t let Jeanne define you. Don’t let anyone define you but yourself, Tony.”

“Jeanne couldn’t define me; she didn’t know me. I don’t know me anymore. I’m going need to take some time and find me. Maybe a little time away from work would help. I could get in the car and just drive until I run out of gas and hope there’s a half way decent motel in the area. Heading down south might be nice. Impromptu spring break trip--all the beer I can drink and women in bikinis. Not a bad option.”

“No. Request for leave denied. You’ll brood. You’ll drink. You get tonight to do that, maybe the rest of the week, and then I need you back. You’re a grown man, Tony. I’m not letting you revert to that because its comfortable to you. Not after what I saw today.”

Where was that damn bottle? DiNozzo was driving him to drink.

Without really meaning to, he stood up and loomed over Tony a little unsteadily. “Stop hiding, DiNozzo. Don’t hide from me. Keep telling you; you don’t want to be like me. Take my damn advice. Listen to me, will ya. I’m here for ya. I’m here.”

His hand went to Tony’s hair and he ran a hand over it softly instead of cuffing him. All that crap he put in it should have made it sticky, but instead it was soft and silky, trailing through his fingers. “Pretty damn lonely, my life. Just trying to stop you from going down the same road. You’ve got a big heart there. Don’t close down. Don’t let the bastards win.”

“Great advice from a man who admits that he had done exactly what he’s telling me not to do. Sorry if I’m having a hard time buying into what you’re saying.” He needed to do something, go somewhere, even if it was just for the day. He hadn’t felt this way since Kate had died, and he had almost left NCIS then. Another case, another crushing blow and he was again considering if this was what he should be doing with his life.

“I don’t do this with anyone, DiNozzo. I don’t care like this about anyone beside Abby. I don’t put it out there like that. Like you were a brother or a son. Take the advice or not, you want to turn into me, do it. You want to be alone, do it. You want to play the pity card, do it. But someday realize that someone cared enough to tell you things nobody else knows to try to save you from yourself.”

“You know, I could go groveling back to my father, tell him I’ll take the position he created for me when I graduated from college. I would get paid just to go sit in the office and be a DiNozzo, there’s a lot to be said for that, you know. Get myself a trophy wife, who wouldn’t expect anything from me but to let her continue her life the way it was before I married her. We’d have to spawn at some point, but I like kids as long as someone else is there to care for them. It would be a dream life, at least for some people. I could probably even do it. I’ve done my duty, maybe it’s time for me to settle down, start drinking too much and not exercising enough. I’m old enough to become my father now.”

“You want to go back to the guy who didn’t give a shit while you lay dying? You want to sabotage yourself and NCIS that much? You’d take away the best damn investigator and undercover operative I’ve ever worked with or seen, to be some fat, soft executive to please someone who doesn’t deserve you? Who never deserved a kid like you. Your biggest accomplishment is being so much better than him, Tony. Maybe someday you’ll see that, before it’s too late.”

Jethro was still holding the younger man’s skull and he let go, moving a couple of feet away. “You gotta bury the hurt little boy who needs Dad’s approval. It’s the only way you can move on, DiNozzo. The only way you’ll ever be happy. Call him up, tell him he doesn’t matter, and move on. Live for you. Go for what you want, not what’ll help you make do. You only go around once. You and me, we’ve been close to the edge. More than once. Lately more than once a year.”

Jethro looked at the bottle he was holding. “Should take my own damn advice. Stop hiding. Grab life by the balls for a change. Go for it and try, even if I lose everything.” He looked at the bottle again, suddenly tired of it all. “Just sick and tired of being alone, Tony. Don’t want you where I am. Too good for that. You’re too smart, too talented. You’re needed. And wanted. I need you…”

“On my team.” Cop out, he knew it. But he had too much on the line right now.

“Wouldn’t do it, boss. Just nice to know that I could.” Tony ducked his head, not able to look Gibbs in the eye. “Any other day of the year, I enjoy my job too much to turn my back on it and go play desk jockey. If I wanted that, I would have taken it out of college and had my student loans paid off right away. I enjoy what I do; I just need to have a little pity party tonight. Wouldn’t really do it, even if it would be the easy way to go.”

“Drink then. The expensive stuff. Ya earned it. And look at me, dammit. I’m telling you things nobody knows. Nobody. Not Abby. Nobody. Because you got someone here fighting for you. Okay? Stop hiding from me, DiNozzo. Makes me think you’re embarrassed to be drinking with me.” Jethro closed Tony’s hand around the bottle.

“I’m not embarrassed and I’m not hiding. It’s just I’m not used to you sharing. Abby will drag things out of me, but I don’t willingly share with her. I’m trying here; I just need another drink or three before I’m comfortable spilling my heart out.”

“I should be the one embarrassed. You got nothing to be embarrassed about, Tony.” Jethro’s hand went back into the younger man’s hair, stroking slowly as he sank back beside Tony, leg against leg, arm resting on the other man’s shoulder.

“Want to know what I’m thinking right now?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just leaned over to snag the bottle, taking another long gulp, angling his body in to Tony’s. “I’m thinking I don’t want to be alone tonight. Not talking about drinking, either. Not dancing around it, Tony. I want you in that bedroom. Wherever it goes, I want you in that bed.”

Jethro stood unsteadily and walked toward the bedroom. “Your choice now. Won’t think any differently if you don’t want it. Won’t ever mention it again. You decide.”


	2. Ch 2

Chapter Two

“We’ve been dancing around this since I got here, Boss. It’s been a fun flirtation, but I wasn’t going to make a move unless you did. It’s been a bad enough day without being brought up on charges of sexual harassment.” Tony pushed up off the couch and grabbed Gibbs before he could get too far. “I need to forget, and the liquor alone isn’t going to do it. Make me forget, Gibbs.”

“What did you want me to do, Tony? I was letting you know, glad to see it was just foreplay instead of you being stubborn. Making a move. I touch how many guys like I touched you tonight.” He took a breath and tried to focus through the haze of alcohol. “And you ain’t seen nothing yet. Gonna make you forget your name, gonna make you scream yourself hoarse. You a screamer, DiNozzo? And a talker in bed?. Abbs never shut up. You know we were both dreaming about fucking you, right? Wasn’t just her doing it.”

Jethro grabbed Tony by the shirt and pinned him against the wall, bodies touching but barely, Tony’s pulse fluttering wildly in his throat. “You scared or excited, DiNozzo?”

“You don’t scare me, Gibbs. I know you won’t hurt me. I’ve trusted you with my life since I followed you home from Baltimore.” There weren’t many people in the world that Tony could say hadn’t hurt him. Sure, Gibbs had left, giving him the chance to spread his wings and fly, but he hadn’t intentionally hurt him. “I won’t lie and say I’m not excited. My body is going to give me away if I did. Never thought I’d be in this position, never thought I’d have a chance.”

“You wanted a chance, DiNozzo? I never knew. And I looked. I watched you in the showers, hoping you’d check me out, hoping you’d want not only a guy, but an old guy. I smacked you just to be able to touch you, Tony. How long? How long did you want me? Because I tried to fuck you out of my psyche for a couple years now. Never worked.”

“First time I looked up and saw the bluest eyes ever looking back at me across that crime scene in Baltimore. Yeah, I would have taken you to bed that night, but you were a Fed and I was trying to protect my case. Then we’re done and I planned on asking you back to my place before you headed home. But you asked me to join your team. Cut me off at the dick, so I followed you to DC, and have been lusting after you since.”

“Do you realize how much time we lost, Tony? No more. Until we figure this out, we’re not dating or sleeping with anyone else. That okay with you?” He wanted to declare his ownership, but believed that Tony didn’t need that right now. 

“I haven’t been dating anyone anyway, so yeah I’m okay with that.” For all intents and purposes, Tony was okay with that. It seemed sudden, but it was exactly what he wanted right this moment. 

“I didn’t mean that like it sounded boss, like this is convenient so I’m agreeing to your terms.” He shook his head, wishing he could think and speak more clearly instead of sounding like a business negotiation or cheap pickup lines. “I’d like that; I want to see what is between us.”

Jethro just watched Tony. “I know what you mean, Tony. I know… Just us, just you and me, figuring this out together. You have any personal time coming to you?”

“After this latest assignation attempt on my good name, I’m willing to bet that Madame Director will give me time off. I could have taken some after the undercover assignment blew up, excuse the pun, but I didn’t then either. I think I deserve it this time.”

“We’ll call her in the morning. I’m taking rest of the week off to be with you. Yeah, you deserve some time off. You took one for the team. Now you’re going to take one for the boss. I guarantee this’ll be a hell of a lot more pleasant.”

Tony watched Gibbs’ face and the expressions that played across it. He looked sexy, challenging, Tony loved it. “Taking it for me, but with you will be nice. We’ve both worked too hard, and you just saved my ass once again. You deserve a vacation and some pampering for that alone. If I can get back to my apartment, I have some products there that will help me relax you. I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Sounds like you’re gonna slap makeup on me or something?” Jethro said with a snicker. “You forget that I’m taking care of you, DiNozzo. Put yourself in my hands.”

“No makeup tonight, or anytime soon. When I say products I’m talking herbal massage lotions that help relax you, and don’t leave you feeling like you rolled around in baby oil all night.” He wanted nothing more than to put himself completely in Gibbs’ hands, but wanted to give as well as he got also. Tony grinned, an image becoming clear in his mind. “You would look hot in makeup though, a little eye liner to highlight what I think is one of your better attributes. Abby could do that for you, and make it barely noticeable.”

“You trying to goad me into a power fuck, DiNozzo? No. Not happening. You can be the girly one in this relationship, DiNozzo.” There he was thinking and considering this was more than one night. He didn’t do this, and never with a guy. He was a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em guy, when it came down to guys anyway. But there was something drawing him toward a longer relationship with Tony.

“Give me an evening, and I can change that opinion. You just don’t know what you’re missing. I don’t see you pampering yourself very often. In the Corps, I bet they didn’t even let you use hot water in the shower.”

“Tony…give it up. Really.” Jethro reached out to gently cuff DiNozzo. You’re not going to make me one of those guys who prisses.”

“Give me twenty-four hours. I bet I can make you into anything I want.” Tony winked, hoping that the growing need he was feeling could be heard in his voice. “Just you wait and see; I can be very persuasive.” 

“We’ll see, DiNozzo,” Jethro challenged gently.

He brought his hand up, touching the flesh over Tony’s jugular. “Texture, Tony. Soft skin, rougher just under the surface.” Jethro leaned in and nipped Tony on the pulse point, his other hand releasing Tony’s shirt and stroking his hair again.

“Your hair is so soft. Thought it’d be more sticky with that crap you use in it.” He pulled back, eyes half closed. “Tell me exactly what you want and where you want me to begin. It’s about you tonight.”

“I realize you all think I’m high maintenance, but I’m not. Not really. Sometimes, If I’m going all out, I’ll throw some gel in my hair, but a lot of times it’s a little shampoo. Guess I’m just a natural pretty boy.”

“Too damn pretty.” Jethro stopped for a breath, trying not to growl his words. “Masculine and pretty, hell of a combination. Tall, great looking, but something vulnerable in your eyes. Something that makes me want to go to the mat for you over and over again. Would have given my career and my pension to have the truth come out, Tony. Without a doubt or question.”

Jethro leaned in, licking along Tony’s throat, chuckling when the other man swallowed convulsively. 

Tony shivered, trying to bring the conversation to a little less charged place. “It helps that I have a great ass too, right boss? I mean, if you’re going to have a pretty boy, you want him to be toned in the right places. All that talk about hard and soft and I can promise you, you don’t get too many asses better than mine.”

“That’s way down on my list, Tony. I want to know how you kiss. What your cum tastes like. If you talk the entire time I’m pounding you or if I can make ya speechless. I know you’re gonna have a tight ass. I’ve got eyes.”

Jethro’s thumb came over to trace Tony’s cheekbone. “Have to get my fill of touching you before you blow my head off.”

“I thought that I was the one who was going to get my fill, not you.” Tony fell into an easy sexually charged banter, it was natural to him. “You want me to talk, I talk. You want me quiet; I can probably do that too. At least not talking. I got a feeling there will be lots of moaning going on.”

“If I’m as good as they tell me,” Jethro retorted.

What Tony wanted was hot, mindless sex with no strings or promises. What he needed was someone who understood him and wouldn’t push him harder than he could handle tonight. He was always the one who made sure his partner was taken care of, and he wanted to be the one who was taken care of. 

Unbuttoning his shirt, Tony shrugged it off quickly. “I want skin on skin. I need to feel you and I need to be totally engulfed by you. I need you in me and around me and to totally take over tonight. I need to totally put my body in your hands, and know that you will take care of me. Can I do that?”

Pulling the younger man closer, Jethro ran a hand gently over Tony’s spine, circling each bump slowly. Then Jethro took Tony’s shirt and put it back on him. “Whatever you need.” He smoothed down the fabric gently. “Trust me to take care of you. Get into my bed, Tony, but let me be the one to unwrap my package.” Jethro took Tony’s hand and led him into the room.

“I made that bed, Tony, selected every piece of wood, sanded and shellacked it. You and me— we’re going to dirty it up. Can’t think of anyone I want more in my bed. Not sharing you tonight, maybe not ever.”

Jethro was torn between taking Tony with the pent-up passion and desire humming in his veins and taking Tony slowly. There was something in Tony’s eyes that begged to be protected.

“Ah, Tony. Come here.” Jethro pulled Tony into his arms, holding him close. “You don’t need to hide anything from me.” He leaned in, closing his eyes, kissing Tony gently, opening his mouth by small increments. Even though he wanted to devour Tony’s mouth, Jethro fought his own instincts, keeping the kiss romantic rather than needy. If Tony wanted more, Jethro was sure he’d let him know.

“You’ve got layers boss, ones that you don’t let out at work. I mean, we’ve all seen hardnosed bastard Gibbs, and I made a joke, why aren’t you laughing Gibbs. Those are trademarked terms, just so you know. Kind of like Malibu Barbie in a sense, without the doll. But I’ve never seen sensitive and sincere Gibbs.” 

Tony leaned down just enough to be able to turn his head into Gibbs neck. Even though he was taller, he still felt safe being held. “I could get used to this, I’ve never had anyone hold me and make me feel safe like this.”

“You ever been with an older guy? We’ve taken the edge off and when it’s with someone you really want, it isn’t just about getting off. Yeah, I want you, but I want to take care of you too. Someone’s got to, you got fucked today. Not gonna fuck you tonight. We have time. If I’m inside you tonight, it’ll be about the journey and not just the end.”

Jethro rubbed Tony’s back, the shirt moving over the muscles. “Gonna get seduced, Tony. Gonna see what it’s like to be mine.”

“Never been with an older guy, and I’m looking forward to giving it a ride. And I can handle being seduced. I don’t want to rush this; I’m done with rushing. I enjoy having you along for this journey, I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else.”

“You can never get back the first time. No need to rush. We’ve got all night, maybe even tomorrow too. Just relax, Tony. Put yourself completely in my hands.”

“I can’t think of better hands to place myself in. I trust you completely.”

Jethro led Tony to the bed and removed the younger man’s shirt himself, palms skimming over Tony’s nipples and fingertips gripping deeply into the tense muscles of the other man’s shoulders. Tony needed a massage.

When Tony didn’t immediately melt into him, Jethro wrapped an arm tight and low on Tony’s back, pulling them hard cock to hard cock, Tony’s heat evident through the fabric of their pants.

Jethro moved his hand down to the split of Tony’s ass cheeks, and pressed in lightly, fingertip teasing Tony’s ass through his pants for only a moment before unbuckling them and tugging them down. Now, only the material of the boxers separated Tony’s ass from Jethro’s fingers and he pressed inward, teasing Tony’s hole, scraping his fingertip along Tony’s flesh.

“How’s that feel, Tony? If you move forward, your cock and mine are gonna rub together. If you move back, my finger will tease your ass.”

“God Gibbs, what a choice either way.” Pushing back, Tony relaxed against the probing finger. It had been a while since any one had paid any attention to that area of his body, and even though he knew this was just the first course of the meal, he was ready for the main course. “Always admired your hands, Boss. Large and so strong, and those calluses from working on the boat all these years, they’re sexy. Pretty much matching the rest of you.”

“Flirt,” Jethro teased lightly, pulling back only enough to yank his own pants down. With a few tugs, his shirt, pants, boxers, shoes, and socks were off. He looked Tony up and down, smirking faintly. “Look at you, Tony. Just look at you.”

“I’ll let you look at me. I know what I look like, but I don’t think that I am even close to seeing what you do. I’m much more interested in looking at you.”

“Nothin’ special about me, Tony.” But Jethro stepped back a pace for the moment, letting the younger man look his fill. He knew he was in damn good shape for his age, but there was no way he could compete with the type of guys who would go for Tony.

“Says you, I see a lot of special about you. And not just how hot you are.” There was no denying that Jethro Gibbs was still a damn fine looking man. But he was a good man too, someone who would look out for him, and who had his six. There hadn’t been any expectations that something like this would happen; he genuinely wanted to help “You’re a good guy, under the bastard exterior. Someone who, I know, will always have my best interest at heart.”

“Keep that between us, will ya. I have a reputation to uphold.” Jethro wouldn’t argue even though he didn’t see it. 

“I wouldn’t go spreading it around, first off no one would believe me. Second, I don’t want Ziva or McGee to think they’re special enough to get this kind of treatment.”

Jethro chuckled low. “You are. And maybe Abby if you want to give that a whirl sometime. But I’ve never shared really well and won’t beyond that. And until we decide not to be so, you’re mine, Tony.”

“I might want to do that, bring in Abby as long as she’s cool with it. That would be important.” He’d never push Abby into doing something she didn’t want. But he thought she might be more than a little interested especially because she’d already been with Gibbs and had always been open with the fact that she was interested. “And I’ve been yours since you saved me from being a street cop in Baltimore. Just never thought it would land me in your bed.”

“Well, it did. We gonna talk this or fuck this to death, DiNozzo?”

“A little impatient boss? Not too long ago, you wanted me to spill my guts, now you just want me for my body.”

“You talk too much. What do I have to do to shut you up?”

Jethro stepped closer, skin-to-skin except for the boxers between them. He ran his hands up and down Tony’s back before kissing him deeply, increasing the passion between them and guiding Tony toward the bed.

“You’re damn lucky there’s lube here. You clean, Tony? I don’t have any condoms, don’t need ‘em for my hand. You have any?”

“Might have one in my wallet, but I’m clean, Gibbs. Up to you, I can wait if you want to get redressed and run to the store.” Tony wouldn’t make that decision for anyone. He would be fine either way. But he knew that he trusted Gibbs and hoped he felt the same way. “If you do, pick up several packs. I don’t want to leave again if I don’t have to. Food can be delivered, but I don’t know anyone who will do that with condoms.”

“Not going anywhere. You’re clean, I’m clean, no barriers between me and you. Want to feel you clenching around me. Bet you’ve got a tight, hot ass, Tony.” He eased Tony onto the bed so the other man was sitting up, feet on the floor, and stood in front of him, legs slightly apart. “Five minutes to do whatever you want with me. Starting now.”

This would be a lesson in Tony’s own erogenous zones and Jethro wanted to learn. He hoped Tony knew how much he trusted him, or he would never have given the younger man carte blanche over him. In other guys it could lead to CBT or bondage whether he wanted it or not, but he trusted DiNozzo. More than he’d trusted any lover—even Abby.

“Seriously?” Tony asked, but didn’t waste any time waiting for an answer. He ghosted over the other man’s chest, stopping to feel how fast his heart was beating. Tony needed to feel, and Gibbs was solid and warm underneath his touch. Massaging random spots, he avoided the hard cock that would be so easy to lose himself in, choosing instead to tease random patches of warm flesh. “I take it back, a large chunk of this might just be about how hot you are. The rest is good, but your body is the ultimate.”

“If you’re good you can have ten minutes total.” He looked like a kid who’d just unwrapped a present. “This is about giving you what ya need, DiNozzo. You explore, you show me what you need.”

“You’re giving me exactly what I need boss. I needed someone to listen to me bitch and moan about what happened, then to make me forget it. You’ve done that, can’t even remember what I was so upset about.”

“Good. Then you keep on exploring.” Jethro couldn’t resist touching Tony— rubbing a shoulder, brushing his hand over a bicep, resting his hand on Tony’s thigh.

“See, you’re catching on. We know one another, but not this way. I need to know your body too, before going any further.”

“Well, it’s telling ya all you ever wanna know.” He was overly sensitized to Tony’s hands, the blunt fingertips and rough texture giving way to softness. His hand went back to Tony’s throat, the soft hairless skin where stubble ended and chest hair didn’t quite begin yet.

“And for the first time I’m paying full attention to what you’re saying. Don’t get used to it, I’ll go back to my normal self once I’m back at the office.”

Tony was stroking him in unexpected places, a flank, the inside of a wrist, his throat, the outside of a leg. “Ya know, DiNozzo, this was supposed to be about me learning what you like. You outsmarted me yet again. Thought sure you’d be jacking me off by now. Or have that mouth wrapped around me. Must be going soft in my old age.”

“You gave me time; I wanted to work up an appetite before moving onto a main course.” Settling his palm on Gibbs’ cock for a moment before slowly jacking him, Tony admired the thickness and heat. “You’re nowhere near soft and you know it. For an old guy, who shouldn’t be able to get this hard, I’m impressed. Just want to make sure that you stay this way until you’re inside me.”

Jethro thrust into Tony’s hand. “Nice. Nice tight fist, good grip. Shooter’s grip. And why…shouldn’t I be able to get this hard. Sexuality doesn’t die at age forty, you’ll see. And I’ve got staying power to spare.”

Jethro let out a low groan. “See…what I meant about hands. Yours…much better than mine.”

“Remember that the next time we’re in your office, that my hands feel better than yours, that a couple of minutes alone can go a long way.”

Jethro growled, hardening even further. “You kinky little shit.” He was impressed. “Remember that Abby can disable cameras and audio anywhere you want me. She will, however, want to watch. Never done it in the office before.” He looked down at his cock in Tony’s hands. “But I want to with you. God, Tony…”

He pulled away just slightly, warming up to the fantasy and keeping himself on edge. “I want you to suck me off in the men’s room. I want to bend you over my desk at midnight. I want your groans to echo all over MTAC. I want to fuck that mouth and have you back at your desk, dazed and with swollen lips. Hell, Tony, I just want you.”

He stroked a hand down Tony’s face, thumb running over a cheekbone. “I don’t know if I can wait those ten minutes, Tony. You can’t know how long I waited for you. I just want to consume you.”

“I’m not stopping you, you’re the one who gave me play time. I wouldn’t mind giving up some of that time for later. I think we’ve got time to spare.”

“I stick by my promises, even if they kill me. And I like watching you playing with me. Your hands on me, the look of wonder, as if you thought I was out of shape. The way…the way you seem to know all my hottest spots like….” Tony flicked the underside of his cock head. 

“Like that one.” Jethro brought his hand over to cover Tony’s. “Just…just do that. Drives me crazy almost as good as someone playing with my prostate.”

“It’s nice to know what’s going to drive you crazy. I like the power that this brings with it. I can make you scream or make you shiver. That’s the ultimate, and you are letting me have it. Means a lot to me, Boss. It’s nice to know you trust me that much.”

Jethro groaned and spread his legs slowly, shifting his weight and widening his stance. His balls hung heavy and low and if Tony wanted to, he could tease Jethro’s asshole or even finger fuck him. “This is how much I trust you. Full access. Whatever you want. Never wanted anybody to get that close. Never needed anyone like that.”


	3. Last to Know

Chapter 3

Tony slowly moved his hands closer and closer to Gibbs’ ass, and then teasingly pulled them away. He hadn’t expected such an offer, and had every intention of taking advantage of it, but wanted it to be on his terms. Each motion put him closer to the promised land. “I’m going to have to get your work out regime, Boss. A man your age shouldn’t have such a tight ass. You need to wear tighter pants, show it off a little. Would drive me crazy, but worth it to be able to see this every day.”

Jethro had rarely felt more vulnerable but he was charged up at the same time, Tony’s teasing and his resistance to it hardening him further. “You like?” Jethro asked roughly. He’d never been good with sex talk itself, the build up being his forte. 

But DiNozzo wore his lust and desire on his sleeve. And he was doing things to Jethro’s psyche he didn’t want to even examine. He was laying himself open to another person. Again. Hoping that this one wouldn’t destroy him like the wives did. But DiNozzo was different. Stubble. Cock. Brown hair, sincerity shining in his eyes. Jethro wanted to protect and defend him.

“Yeah, I like it a lot.” Giving a light slap, Tony smiled to see the muscles tighten. “Pretty sure I could bounce a quarter off of it. And it’s so responsive.” “I want to be on very intimate terms with your ass, quarter bouncing aside. So nice and tight, I think that you’re in need of an ass massage, to relax just it for a little bit. I promise, anything I’m doing back here you’ll like.” Rubbing the reddening skin, Tony swore he’d never do anything to hurt this man.

“Told ya you have ten minutes, maybe more if you…” He trailed off. The intensity of this didn’t diminish the alcohol he’d absorbed and for now he was willing and eager to surrender to the haze that drinking had brought and this man was feeding. “Do what you want…”

“Oh, I have been. Trust me, there isn’t a moment of this I haven’t enjoyed. Knowing how I can make you shiver with just the slightest flick of my wrist.” Demonstrating, Tony ran a finger over Gibbs’ ass crack, lightly brushing over his hole. “You’re so damn responsive. It’s a great feeling knowing what I can do to you.”

Jethro had to fight every instinct, so as to not force the issue, literally. He was laid open in a way he’d never expected to be. This was supposed to be about seducing Tony and healing him, not some strange misguided need for what he wanted. But he was going for it, it felt too damn good for him to ruin with logic. Or to deal with his vulnerability in this position.

“Power, control, lust, All go hand in hand sometimes. Rarely as well as they are here.”

“But that isn’t what we’re here for tonight, is it? I’m supposed to be forgetting the horrible things that happened today. Power, control, murder… The fact that at the drop of the hat I can be charged with a murder that it never even crossed my mind to commit.” 

“We’re here because…” Because why, Jethro wondered? “Because we need each other. Because we’re letting each other, DiNozzo.”

Tony stopped Gibbs, needing to get a better control on his emotions. Apparently the booze he’d consumed was wearing off. “Just forget I said that, it’s not important right now. I’ve got a lifetime to deal with the feelings of today, but only another six minutes of you spread out for me like this.” 

“Raincheck.” Jethro pulled Tony tight against him and eased him back onto the bed, yanking covers back. “Indulge me,” he whispered into Tony’s hair, wrapping him first in the sheet and then in his arms. He’d looked so damn lost there, awakening every protective instinct in Jethro.

“Get through this, Tony. Right here with me. Yell, hit me, whatever you have to do. We’re not going to be doing this because of rage. We’re going to take each other in passion, not hurt, not anger. I want to see lust in your eyes.”

“I don’t know what you’re seeing in my eyes, but I can assure you there is lust there. I’m not going to hit you or act out. You’re not the one who deserves that. Now, if I run into your buddy Fornell in a dark alley, you can bet I’m going to act out. But I won’t take out something that stupid against you. Just hold me, make the rest of the night okay for me.” He pressed closer, feeling the weight of the day crashing on his shoulders.

“I’ll hold him down for ya, DiNozzo.” Jethro brushed Tony’s hair back and pulled him snugly against him. “You smell of booze and desire. Drank too much, bet you haven’t eaten. Sleep. Then we’ll get a pizza or something. Then we’ll fuck. No hurry.”

“Pizza? Wow, you know a way to a guy’s heart. Get me drunk, feed me, then fuck me. Sounds like one of my better dates. I’ll keep you around for a while.” Tony relaxed against Gibbs, breathing in the heady scent of him. “And I don’t have to beat you off if I’m not interested. I am interested, but I swear, someone put out the sex machine rumor again. Almost have to beat some of them off. Apparently no only means no if you’re a female anymore. Not that I’m saying no. Just maybe dinner would be good. Don’t want to be so shit faced I don’t remember what went on in the morning.”

“Dinner, whatever you want to eat, Tony. Just thought pizza was one of your four food groups. We can get steak or burgers or pasta or Chinese. Not important. Just close your eyes and know I’m right here.”

Jethro could feel Tony’s tension melting away and he brushed his lips over the other man’s temple. “Sleep. You can talk when you wake up. The world can benefit from a little silence.”

And he could benefit from having Tony so close, to banish the loneliness, at least for this one night.

“I don’t want to sleep.” Tony knew he was pouting, but it seemed to be a good time to bring that out. “Pizza’s fine, or whatever you want. But it doesn’t have to be now. I want to lay here with you. I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to watch TV or listen to music. Can’t we just be here for a little bit? Don’t even have to talk if you really don’t want to. But I want to be near you.”

He should have been annoyed and frustrated, but he was strangely understanding. DiNozzo was all over the place and this wouldn’t happen until they were both sobered up. “Tony, we can do whatever you want. None of this is a challenge. I’m here for you.” He propped up on one elbow, looming over and looking down at the younger man and analyzing the play of emotions over his face.

“We can be here, Tony. I’m not leaving. Trust me.” After yanking the sheet off the other man, he ran his thumb over Tony’s cheek and lower lip, drawing patterns on the other man’s shoulder. “Trust me.”

“Oh, that feels nice. You can keep doing that.” Tony’s eyes drifted shut, even though he had no intention of falling asleep. Just felt so nice to have someone touching him. “I trust you, Gibbs. Love what you’re doing, just afraid of being alone.”

“You’re not alone and you won’t be alone.” Jethro had to keep touching and stroking the other man’s body, smoothing the soft skin over the tense muscles. “Just relax, Tony. You’re here with me.” 

In the absence of a full massage, he stroked his fingertips over Tony’s body, touching and exploring, examining the different textures of skin, muscle, hair. He started massaging DiNozzo’s scalp, hands running through the thick hair.

Even though he wanted the other man to sleep, he couldn’t resist sliding over him, body to body, crotch to crotch, heavy cock against heavy cock. Jethro planted his legs on either side of DiNozzo and settled himself right over Tony’s groin. 

The other man fought to rear up, but Jethro pinned him down with a gentle hand to the chest. “Relaxation, not fucking, Tony. Just relax.”

“Fucking can be relaxing.” And while his body might be willing, the energy level wasn’t there. “Just keep touching, I’ll forget everything beyond that. You’ve got great hands, got to be from working on the boat. Strong, but your touch is light almost gentle. Could make a person who doesn’t want to sleep consider a nap.”

“You do whatever makes you happy.” Jethro leaned in and nipped Tony’s throat then soothed the skin with a fingertip. “Do you feel safe and secure like this or want to lie on our sides? I don’t want to crush you, DiNozzo.”

"Like you right here. Totally surrounded by you, which makes me feel better. You couldn't crush me; I'm pretty solid. Might be falling apart on the inside, but the outside isn't going to crush easy." Tony was totally relaxed, maybe it was Gibbs, not sure he'd feel that way with someone else. But he felt damn good right now, and was going to focus on that and nothing else. "Don't move on my account."

“Not planning on it. Long as you can take my weight, I’m here, my boy.” The endearment slipped out. He wasn’t that kind of guy, but it felt right.

Jethro moved his hands to Tony’s shoulders, working the muscles in deep penetrating strokes. “Just relax. You’re here with me, Tony. You’re mine. Sounds good, you being mine. Sounds like we’ve been fighting something here that we both needed.”

Jethro lowered his head, resting his mouth just above Tony’s jugular. “Mine,” he said in a low voice, just loud enough that he knew the vibrations were penetrating DiNozzo’s flesh.

“Got that, DiNozzo? Mine. Mine for tonight, maybe even mine ‘til I tire of you. And I don’t tire easily”

"I can't wait to test that theory out, Boss. I think that is one challenge I'm going to enjoy trying to win. Don't really see how there could be any losers in that." 

“Doesn’t have to be a challenge. You’re allowed to be my equal in bed, Tony. In fact, tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. Short of fucking, that is. We do that completely stone cold sober. But as for whatever you want, I’m here to fulfill every need. Enjoy it, Tony. When you’re on hands and knees and I’m buried inside, it’ll be all about me.”

"I'll be enjoying that too, Boss. Looking forward to that, although not really excited about sobering up any time real soon." But the promise of sex, made it almost worth taking that nap and starting tomorrow fresh. "And what makes you think I'll be the only one in that position. I'm an equal opportunity lover, but I expect to give as much as I take."

“You have to earn that entry, DiNozzo. Be a really good boy and I’ll let ya go there.” He brushed Tony’s hair back. “But it won’t be in that position. Tricky knee.” Jethro winked, knowing he was in damn good shape. “You don’t call me boss in bed, Tony. My lovers are equals, not subordinates.”

He lowered his head to the pillow, nuzzling into Tony. “Yeah, this is nice.”

"I promise I can be a good boy, and you have no idea just how good I can be." Tony ground up against Gibbs, needing more friction. "You tell me how you need it, and I'll do all the work. Can't have you falling apart on me, not when you've promised me all of this pleasure."

He had always thought of Gibbs as boss, even when they had been working the Baltimore case, before he joined NCIS. Thinking of him as Leroy just wouldn't work and only the director and Ducky called him Jethro and lived to tell about it. And just calling him Gibbs was like being at work, which made him the subordinate. "I suppose I could call you Jet or J. or something along those lines. It's not like your name is easy to make into a cute nickname. And I'm not really sure I can see you as a sweetheart or baby."

“Make up a name then. I’m not fussy, Tony. And I don’t do cute.” Jethro moved off Tony and grabbed a bottle of lube, slicking up a hand and leaning down, ringing each of them in turn. “How’s that, Tony. More along the lines of what you want? What you need?”

He moved over Tony, just enough to rub his cock over Tony’s. “This is gonna lead to drunken sex, you know that, right? Drunken good sex, me deep inside you. You want that for your first time with me, Tony. Or you just wanna be like this for a while.”

But Jethro knew it wasn’t enough for either of them. “Tony…gonna ask this as seriously as I can. Will you let me inside?”

"After everything that's happened tonight, you think I'm going to tell you no? Seriously babe, I'm drunk but I'm not completely out of it." Tony could appreciate that Gibbs was giving him a choice, but he was primed for whatever he could get. "I'm as hard as I ever been, and if you want in, you're more than welcome. Just don't make me wait. Don't wanna wait anymore." 

“Babe?” Jethro smirked. He’d allow it for now. Knowing Tony was as ready for it as he was made him even harder. Jethro reached for the lube and slicked up one finger before pressing it against Tony’s anus. He shifted his body lower and to the side, head on Tony’s stomach, opening up the younger man with an endless stroke, his blunt fingertip parting the hot flesh there.

“Been a while, huh?” Jethro began teasing the area behind Tony’s balls, tickling the ridge of flesh that led from balls to anus and lowered his head to breathe in the scent of Tony’s body, the slight tang of sweat and heavier musk making his head reel.

"Even longer than a while, but still feels damn good." No man had caught Tony's eye, not since leaving college for the real world. If he'd even let on that it was something that interested him, and one of the guys from the force had ever found out, he would have been run out of town quicker then he'd managed to leave. "You don't like babe? It's not cute, not really."

“It’s okay. Not complaining.” Any words he could have formed were lost in the scent and feel of DiNozzo. “Keep on topic here, DiNozzo. How’s that feel? Like my finger up you?”

“Feels great, would like a lot more up me, but I got a look at you. Going to need to make sure that we use lots of lube.” Tony wiggled and was trying hard not to push against the fingers. He so badly wanted deeper penetration, but wouldn’t beg for it.

“In time, DiNozzo. Ripping you apart won’t make us cum.” Jethro enjoyed purely masculine satisfaction at Tony’s assessment of him. “Glad ya like what ya see.”

“Seriously, you think I wouldn’t like? Have you looked in the mirror lately, Gibbs? Abby calls you sex on a stick. Or really Silver Fox on a stick, which is the same thing, just without the bestiality.” 

Jethro chuckled. What else could he do? Tony was just drunk enough to be endearing and just drunk enough to ramble. “See your point,” he allowed before getting back to the business at hand, or the business wrapped around his finger.

He moved his finger in slow strokes deep, pressing against Tony’s prostate before almost withdrawing. After only a minute or so, he added a second finger, twisting them, scissoring them to force Tony to open further.

“Want me to suck your cock, babe?” Jethro increased the pace of his thrusts in and out. “The sooner you relax, the sooner I can bury myself inside.”

"Trust me Jethro, I'm about as relaxed as possible. You're doing things to my body that haven't been done in so long, that I can't just let my body go." It wasn't that he was tense, just his body knew what was coming, and was quivering with anticipation. "I'd love it if you blew me, but I'm holding on by a thread here. Not sure I could take that." 

“Never said it was over once you blow, Tony. I’m the bastard and it’s about me, remember?”

Jethro leaned down, swiping his tongue just under Tony’s cock head, teasing the area where head met shaft with the tip of his tongue. It was his favorite place to explore and he knew from experience that the slight pressure was enough to drive even the most controlled man crazy and DiNozzo was anything but.

“Like this? Am I doing it right?” Jethro could pretend to be a little innocent, even though he was anything but. He moved up between Tony’s legs now, tongue running over Tony’s cock head now, tracing the flared tip in slow swipes. “And this?” he asked, knowing the vibrations were going right to Tony’s cock. “Am I doing this right?”

“Don’t fuck with my head, babe, it’s not right. Everything else you’re doing is more than right, but the sweet little boy routine? Not buying it. I never took you for a cock tease, but that’s all you have done all night.” Tony bucked, trying to get more contact, but Gibbs moved away just as quick. “You’re a bastard, but I’ve always managed to get over it. You’ll have to work damn hard for me to get over this.”

Jethro let out a deep sound of satisfaction before swallowing Tony whole, driving three fingers inside that tight ass and sucking hard as he pumped in and out. He was going to rip the other man’s orgasm out of him and blow his head off. Jethro was only dimly aware that he was fucking the bed, driving his hips over the covers and pressing down to stimulate himself any way he could.

He was growling and groaning, lost in the way Tony felt in his mouth, the sheer heat and force of the man below him. He lifted his head, gazing into Tony’s face, encouraging him with his eyes to let loose, those green eyes electric as the other man watched him sucking his cock.

Tony was trying to hold onto what little restraint he had, but seeing those blue eyes, looking up at him did it. He lost all control, and was pretty sure he blacked out for a second. “Good God, Jethro,” he wanted to continue but he was having a tough time catching his breath. 

Jethro let out a low moan as Tony’s hands clamped onto his head and the other man emptied himself into his mouth, keeping his eyes on Tony’s all the while. Watching Tony get off was great but it was only the beginning.

“Catch your breath, sex machine,” Jethro said before standing. As soon as he cleaned his hand off, Tony’d better be ready for round two, because he was hard and aching and his patience was gone.


	4. Last to Know

Chapter 4

When Jethro returned to the bedroom, Tony was breathing evenly and deeply, seemingly asleep. He stood watching Tony for a few minutes. The kid was in excellent shape, his abdomen taut, legs muscular. And his cock softening slowly. Jethro couldn’t keep his eyes off the sight. It made Tony look vulnerable without stealing his masculinity. He was all man. Completely all man.

Jethro couldn’t help the smirk darting across his lips. Tony had been damn good. Watching him lose control, making him lose control, was a rush. But it was time for Tony to learn the gentle art of payback. Jethro was hard and he wasn’t about to waste it on his hand when he had that body in his bed, that tight ass, strong legs.

He walked to the head of the bed, turning DiNozzo’s head slowly until those sensual lips were almost against his raging cock. He tugged lightly on Tony’s chest hair before running a thumb over his lower lip. “Wake up, DiNozzo. You forgot to finish what you started.”

Tony opened his eyes slowly. He hadn’t been sleeping, at least not really. He’d always been able to drift off for a few minutes to try to regain his strength. “Who said I was sleeping, and I don’t remember starting anything. Participating, sure. But I didn’t start it. Well, maybe I did. Really does it matter? If I finish it, I suppose not. I’m alone in bed, although I see you’re more than in the mood to join me.”

“You talk too much.” Jethro found a nipple, working it slowly. “What do you want…me inside, or me in your mouth? You’re spread wide open for me now.” Without waiting for an answer, Jethro pinned Tony to the bed. Screw what Tony wanted, he was making the decision for them both. 

“Forget what I asked, I need to know how tight you are.” Even though he’d loosened Tony up, he knew damn well that his lover was tight and solid, snug, would glove him like he was meant to be there.

He uncapped the lube and slowly slicked his cock up, stroking slowly, trying to hold out. He was aching. “Bareback?” he asked, needing that permission before he plunged inside Tony.

“I’m clean. I put my life in your hands ever day, I trust you to keep me safe.” If there was one thing that Tony knew, drunk or sober, it was that Jethro Gibbs wouldn’t put him in danger. “You’re clear and ready for landing, Captain. All aboard the USS DiNozzo, enjoy your stay, make sure you treat your ride right, and I’m sure he’ll treat you right.”

Gibbs chuckled, reaching out to muss Tony’s hair. “Relax.” His fingertip worked in and out of Tony’s ass a few times, preparing him, making sure his muscles stayed open. “Breathe out and stay relaxed.” He knew that Tony knew all of this, but he had to say something.

He arranged Tony’s legs and hips before he eased in slowly, eyes fluttering shut in satisfaction. So tight, so fucking perfect. He moved slowly until he was as deep as he could go. Only then did his eyes open and he gazed down at Tony, body shaking from the effort, fighting the desire to pound into that hot flesh.

“Ya okay?” Tony nodded and in response he moved the slightest bit, barely twitching but knowing his cock was kissing Tony’s prostate. God…when DiNozzo clenched around him…like that…. He saw stars.

“Think I’m gonna like this ride, Tony.” Taking more weight on his arms, he began moving in and out in fast sharp strokes, need rather than finesse driving him higher. Tony’s hands came up to clench his biceps and damn if his lover wasn’t clenching and releasing his ass in time with the thrusts. He bottomed out. Clench. Withdrew. Release then clench.

“Not gonna last long if you do that.”

“Don’t need to last long Jethro, not this time. This time it’s about getting your rocks off and having a good time.” Tony was having a really good time, he knew this had nothing to do with love, it was pure lust and fucking. That was fine, it was what he needed right now. Anything to connect him with something, or more specifically some one, even if it was just for the night. He needed to belong again, and Gibbs was giving him that.

“You’ll have to spank me later for being a bad boy. We both might like that too.”

“Later…later.” Gibbs rested his head against, Tony’s. The other man was making him work for it and he concentrated on the touch and feel of Tony’s body under his, the tightness, the satisfied moans he was making, the hard cock raging against Tony’s stomach.

He moved faster, driving in almost as hard as he dared, wondering if he was getting toward the end of Tony’s comfort zone. But Tony’s satisfied sounds told their own tale. “Close, Tony,” he warned, wanting to give the other man an out if Tony didn’t want him to cum inside. 

“Don’t hold out on me, Gibbs. I want all you can give me. So big, but fit just right, hardly a twinge.” It had been a while since Tony had bottomed, but this felt so right. “I’m ready, doing my times tables to hold out for you. Don’t make me wait, I’ve been waiting years it seems.”

Jethro leaned in close, mouth to mouth, breathing harshly. “Wrap your hand around yourself, DiNozzo. Jack yourself while I fuck you.” Unbelievable, he was fucking Tony DiNozzo. After all this time. That was the realization that finally broke his composure and he pounded hard into Tony, fireworks exploding behind his eyes. “Now, DiNozzo. Now!”

Tony had a basic idea what was going on around him, but he was fully centered on Gibbs and what was going on between them. He exploded when he heard Jethro shout, the hot cum flowing over his hand. “Jethro…” It was a low moan, if he had more energy he’d have tried to vocalize what he was feeling, but the moan was about all he could muster. He wasn’t even sure he was going to want to move anytime soon. “Stay where you are, don’t leave me yet.”

Gibbs leaned in, surprising himself when he kissed Tony gently. The fireworks were still sparking all around him, and he slowly collapsed atop Tony before turning them both onto their sides and facing each other.

He had no problem staying where he was; he hadn’t even softened yet. Gibbs buried a hand in Tony’s hair, the younger man’s cum cooling between their stomachs. He needed to be responsible and clean them off but right now he just wanted to stay inside the younger man and keep him close.

Tony stretched, loving how Gibbs shifted with him. The power that the body next to his held was tantalizing, and Tony happily let his fingers wander. “I think I really needed this. To put what happened if not behind me, at least start to make sense of it. You have a special way of taking the focus off of what happened, and turning in to what I want from here on out.”

“Yeah? What do you want from here on out, DiNozzo. This? Me inside you? Can you feel me inside you, Tony? Still hard. Don’t want to move.” The words came out effortlessly, his hand resting on Tony’s shoulder. He wasn’t an afterglow guy, but everything was different with this man.

He softened his tone of voice, hand stroking over Tony’s cheek before patting it gently. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Really blissed out, thanks to you.” At this point in the majority of his relationships, he was making his way out the door. But Tony was feeling extremely content; he hadn’t even considered bolting, which might have been a first. “You okay? Got the idea, this isn’t your first go around but wouldn’t have guessed it before tonight. Guess I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.”

“Not for a lot of years, DiNozzo. You’re special. Ah, hell…ya wanna stay tonight? Shouldn’t be alone and like I said, got food and liquor.” He lowered his voice. “And me.”

Tony didn’t have to think about it. He wanted to stay but he also didn’t want to look weak. It was so tempting though, to just put his life in Gibbs’ hands for a while and know that he’d walk away in the morning or when ever no worse for the wear. 

“Food and liquor are both fine. But I won’t be staying for that, Boss. I don’t want to go home, I really can’t handle being on my own tonight. I realize in my head that it’s done with but I don’t know that I can fully believe that. I need to be anywhere but home right now.”

Jethro cocked his head, watching DiNozzo for a few long moments and wondering if he could do this, if he could allow himself to let someone in. After a relatively short internal debate, he threw caution to the wind, pulling the man even closer. 

“You stay. New beginning if ya want it. You and me, new team. In and outta work.” He interlaced his fingers with Tony’s. “You want it, ya got it, DiNozzo.”

“Yeah, I want it.” A new beginning was tempting, maybe it was just he needed to start over with Jethro. “I’m on your six, Boss; know you’re on mine. Not just at the office, kinda nice knowing I don’t have to worry anymore. Won’t be taking any undercover assignments either. Just want to be home and enjoy us for a little while.”

Home. Us. Jethro should have wanted to run instead of bedding down and forming a new relationship, but this felt right. Whether either of them had acknowledged it or not, they’d stood tall on each other’s sixes for a damn long time.

“Good. Now that we got that settled, sleep or food?”


End file.
